Day One: Intro

I've decided to try Modafinil, a drug used to treat a number of pathological conditions (like narcolepsy, depression, etc...) and also generally promote wakefulness and cognitive function (the US Air Force uses this stuff for long flight missions).

?

A: I've been struggling with some issues off-and-on for years, and right now am in a pretty consistent state of inconsistency: some days I wake up bright and early, feeling alive, awake, and optimisitc, other days I basically drag my sorry ass around until it's over.

Isn't this to be expected of human experience and isn't it a reflection of substantive life issues?

A: Yes...No...Both. There are substantive issues that I've started dealing with substantively...I believe there are also some neuro-chemical things that are not completely removed but that seem slightly outside my grasp at the moment...

In any case, I have an inquisitive and experimental mind and I am curious about this seemingly side-effect-free, non-addictive, potentially beneficial substance...(see reports on remedyfind.com). I've also read a few testimonials about amazing, often lucid dreams on Modafinil, and I've been obsessed with exploring dreams for at least the past 6 months...Of course it is a little alarming that like many modern psychiatric drugs, no one knows exactly how the hell this stuff works....

But all in all, it seems there's little to lose and I already blew my money on it in a bit of pharmaceutical impulse shopping (this was back when I still had money).

That's it for the intro. From now on I'll stick to a more functional format. Here goes.

PRE-DOSE

Feeling tired today, got 4-5 hours of sleep last night but it was not quality sleep, recalled no dreams, did not feel amazing like I do sometimes after waking up naturally after roughly the same amount...A more precise description than tired would be "slightly raw."

1:40 PM - 2/14/2007 (100mg)

Swallowed 1 cap. with about 8 oz water.

Will check back again when I have something to report, or maybe just post again tomorrow.

7:07 PM - 2/14/2007

Interesting. Just got out of the shower...I've been trying to use shower-time meditatively...either put my mind to something useful or basically shut it off. While in there just now, happened to notice that thoughts were a bit more out of control than usual...then looked down and noticed my heart was visibly jumping out of my chest. At that point had something vaguely like chest pains, probably cause I further aggravated my condition by briefly freaking out about it...Then was able to calm down and lower vitals and all that.

Conclusion: indeterminate, might or might not have been related...I've had some shit like this happen before but usually it's actually related to a stressful situation...

4:15 AM - 2/15/2007

Taking another 100.

I'm not asleep but I don't know if I can attribute that to the drug. Basically I'm set on finishing my portfolio website tonight, it has gotten dragged out and H made some comment about me making some $ soon so I just want to get it done. Going well so far but got kinda tired so decided to dose again.

I feel like I'm sabotaging (or at least diverting) this experiment already by stayng up like this... but oh well. I will try to get the sleep schedule back to normal so we can submit this thing to day-to-day conditions again...

5:30 AM 2/15/2007

Passing out.